With RED hitting our screens this weekend, I though I'd take a look back at one of Bruce Willis' less fondly remembered films. Today, it's Hudson Hawk.
More after the jump...
This film evokes memories of being on holiday in France a few years ago. During one particularly rainy evening, finding the local TV channels incomprehensible (all in French for some reason) we raided the quaint little chalet's video collection, settling on the only VHS that was in the English language, Hudson Hawk.

Danny Aiello arrives on screen with an attitude that seems to say, "look at me, I'm Danny Aiello". His character is called Tommy Five-Tone, and boy, does he love a good croon along with Bruce. These cat burglars have come up with a very novel way of timing their crimes; singing a tune that matches their planned robbery and escape time to a precise measurement. Why all that singing doesn't bring them to the attention of the guards I don't know.
A bunch of familiar faces appear, not all of them welcome. Richard E. Grant shows up as grandiose millionaire Darwin Mayflower, chewing the scenery like he's not been fed for a week. His partner in crime is Sandra Bernhard, and the less said about her the better. Main villain duties fall to James Coburn and his team of ex-CIA goofballs. There's Butterfinger the idiot man-child and Kit Kat the mute impressionist (an early role for David Caruso)...not really a threat for smug old Bruce. Andie MacDowell's also around somewhere, continuing to carve out her niche as Hollywood's blandest love interest.

There's just so many parts of this film that make you cringe with embarrassment, starting with some godawful one-liners. After chopping a man's head off, Hudson Hawk is quick to quip "You won't be attending that hat convention in July". What does that even mean? It's also cartoonish in its violence. Characters bemoan a lack of subtlety, then get stabbed in the face by a dozen hypodermic needles. As well as half the characters being named after chocolate bars, we also have to deal with the idiocy of two of the bad guys being named 'the Mario Brothers' with little irony. There's only so far you can push me Willis.

Somehow this film was made by Michael Lehman, the director of Heathers. There's none of that film's wit or satire present here, instead opting for goofy romance and smug performances. To say you need to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy this film is an understatement. I think back to my first experience with Hudson Hawk back in France, and maybe I wasn't so wrong in the first place. Some people may enjoy this completely, but they're probably the kind of people who own Bruce Willis' album 'The Return Of Bruno', and not in an ironic way. I don't want to associate myself with them.
Save from obscurity? NO
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